In my training as a bowen therapist, we talk about the fact that our brains don’t register ‘no pain’. We are good at identifying pain but not the absence of it.
Sometimes a client will only realise days later that their headache is gone, or their backache has disappeared and will only recognise it when asked. And people are always so surprised when they realise they are not in pain. And then, then they appreciate it.
Think about it: when was the last time you woke up and your first thought was “Yippee! No headache today!”? Unless you are a chronic headache sufferer, in which case, you would probably notice it!, the chances are that doesn’t happen very often. Rather, we only notice it when we do have a headache.
We don’t register ‘no pain’.
I think we can be a bit like that in life. We are quick to register when we have been hurt by another person but somehow ‘forget’ all the times that person was there for us, effectively when they didn’t cause us pain. Much like a headache or sore back, it’s only the pain that draws our attention and not the absence of it.
What if we flipped that around and started recognising the times when people in our lives didn’t cause us pain, instead of focussing on the few times they hurt us? What if we started to register ‘no pain’?