Finality…..stinks.

When our boy rushed off to Sydney, he left a couple of things behind. Like a car. And all his stuff.

Last week the car was sold and a lovely young man came and took it away. Since then, it’s been weird to not see it parked out the front of our house.

Today, two men came and loaded all his worldly possessions into a truck, got me to sign a piece of paper, and then drove off.

I walked into his room, now empty save for a bed and dresser, and took a deep breath.

That was it. All gone.

At least when he went to Canberra at 17, he still had stuff here. He still had plans, back then, to return to Brisbane to live at some point.

Now, this move to Sydney feels very final. Especially when he says on the phone “I’m not doing this again for a very long time!”

So, we get the room back, which means I can set up a desk for writing and my bowen study. I can put my bowen table back up and begin treatments again. I have a spare bed to dump the washing on. Oh and to use if we have guests.

Yet, all this is small compensation for the fact that I don’t get to see him, or hear the sound of the xbox through the closed door, or the muffled sound of a phone conversation. 

I have only just stopped getting five plates out for tea, or getting out three mugs for coffee. And I am still cooking enough for five, too. (Anyone get hungry, there is a free meal here each night, at least for another few weeks, I reckon.)

And now it all seems rather final and I find myself saying with sadness, not relief, that we can all get back to a ‘normal’ routine now.

I’d really rather not have the ‘normal’, if you don’t mind.

14 thoughts on “Finality…..stinks.

  1. I feel sad for you. 😦 And I know how you feel (though it’s been years since I felt that way). Now that I have experienced my own son leaving – for military high school, then for the U.S. military, then for Iraq – I have experienced that empty feeling. It will become easier, but they do leave a hole, yes? With only one son, I stalk him – every time he gets re-assigned with the Air Force, I move too! I often remember my Mom and how she must have felt when I told her – I was 18 – that I was moving to Maine from Delaware. But she told me to go, spread my wings, have no regrets. It is hard to feel happy for your kids when you are suffering the heartache.

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    • So, so true Karen. He is happy, doing well in the job and has now moved into a wonderful apartment with great friends. It’s only me (and his dad and sisters) who are sad now. It’s nice to have people like you around who totally understand and can empathise, so thank you 🙂 xo

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  2. I was so eager to leave home when I was 17. Now that I’m a parent I feel a bit more sympathy for what I may have put my dad through. It will be strange when my son leaves home (though not for a while–he is only 9!), but he says he’s never going to leave. Ha.

    Positive thoughts to you on this change.

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    • Thanks Mapelba 🙂 Yes, you have awhile to go yet before your boy leaves. Lovely that he says he is never going to leave, but for your sake, as hard as it is, I hope he changes his mind! I remember when my boy was that age and his sister was just 2, he said that he always wanted her around and would take her everywhere with him, even on dates! Well, of course that soon changed over the years LOL Very cute at the time though 🙂

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    • It’s such a mixture, Fiona. Pride, excitement for them, sadness, regret for things not done, then back to joy at their lives and who they are – it’s a rollercoaster, that’s for sure! I will have to come up and have a writing weekend with you when your first one leaves, to help ease the pain 🙂

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    • Yes, you’re right. It’s abnormal right now but before too long it will become normal, just as it’s now ‘normal’ for my parents that we are all gone 🙂
      Enjoy the next ten or so years – they go quickly! It’s a cliche but it’s also true.
      Thanks for stopping by 🙂

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  3. Hope things are sorting themselves out for you. I can’t imagine the day when it comes for me, and I often wonder what I would do with all that extra time, lol. Oh, I know. Write!

    Maybe you can get back to your writing a little bit? 🙂

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