The problem with my husband

I have a problem with my husband and many of you are not going to want to know about my problem, once you know what it is and some of you may even feel like sending me hate mail. That’s okay, I can handle it.

The smaller percent of you who will understand – please do leave me a comment so I can feel better, as I write this post to hopefully make you feel better, too.

Here is my problem – he does everything. Nice problem to have, I hear you say. Wish my husband did, I hear you grumble. Gee, she’s got a cheek, I hear you cry as you raise your fist in the air at my ungratefulness.

Hear me out.

As a woman, part of what I see as my role is the housekeeping. Antiquated role definitions possibly but I don’t care. I actually like to keep a nice house, make homemade biscuits and cakes, and cook a delicious meal for family and friends. I enjoy tissying up the house and am supremely satisfied at the end of a good cleaning and tidying session.

Does that mean that I don’t like a little help? No, of course not.

Now, I also enjoy a good tinkering around in the shed; one of my favourite places in the world is the hardware store even though I do not know what even an eighth of the things they sell do. And I relish a good ‘fix it’ job if a tap or a door knob falls off.

My husband can cook exceedingly well, satisfactorily clean, knows his way around the washing machine and clothesline, mostly tidies up after himself and could quite easily fend for himself and the kids in my absence and has proven this on numerous occasions.

He also, while not the handiest in town, knows which end of the hammer is the business end and is fully up to speed with the difference between a Phillips head and a flat head, and knows what at least half the things in hardware stores are for, as opposed to my eighth.

He brings me flowers, buys me wine, gives me random presents for no reason. He tells me I’m beautiful (yeah, yeah I know, he’s seeing the optometrist next week) and literally just a couple of seconds ago, he brought me caesar salad and a glass of wine.

So what exactly is the problem?

The problem, lovelies, is that I have no specialty. I can’t claim dominance in the kitchen, or the housekeeping, or even the child raising.

HE. DOES. EVERYTHING.

If I was a car mechanic, I would have no issue. I would have my niche area and be quite content if he didn’t know how to pop the bonnet (hood for you American folk) and I knew all there was to know. But, alas, while not being a mechanic, he certainly knows enough about cars to keep both his and mine running smoothly, while I on the other hand know how to drive it and put fuel in on the odd occasion.

I could handle it if was a fair role reversal situation. You know, like if I did all the other stuff, like earned the higher wage, fixed the car, paid the bills, could program the DVD recorder, fix computers etc etc. Then I would be fine but of course, you guessed it, he does all that too.

So basically, he can do all the stuff that traditionally should be my arena, plus all his stuff too. Which leaves me with…..*crickets*…..mmmmm, see?

Is anyone out there hearing me over the cries of all those other wives who are swearing at their computer screens and right now coming up with creative ways for me to die a slow and painful death?

Seriously, I might need to go and become a mechanic just to make myself feel better.

Disclaimer: My husband is NOT perfect – thank God. He has many faults of varying degrees which drive me mental, sometimes on a daily basis.

40 thoughts on “The problem with my husband

  1. Ha ha. I literally don’t know what to say, except TAFE offer some great courses for folk like you. But seriously… he doesn’t blog too does he? Or write? Because if that’s the case we need to have him taken care of.

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  2. Yes dad is pretty awesome but he can’t be the nurse/doctor when lily and i get hurt, you are the one that comforts us when we have a stomach bug and you sleep on the couch the whole night watching movies. You used to sing me to sleep when i was younger when i couldn’t get to sleep. I loved how i would come home from school and you would have cleaned my room and left something special on my bed. I love how i can talk to you about everything from friends, guys, girly stuff and just how school/my life in general is going. So as much as you think Dad does/can do everything i want to let you know that you are AMAZING and i wouldn’t be the person i am today without you! You challenge me, encourage me and pick me up when i am down. I love you and dad sooooo much and i am so glad i have both of you in my life, i have many friends who don’t have the relationship i have with both of you and thank God for you both. So never think that you don’t do anything/aren’t good at anything because i love you so much. I also look up to you and dad’s marriage, i love how you are both not afraid to show that you love each other. So thank you and you are AWESOME!!!! Love ya xoxoxo

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  3. So I deliberated as to whether or not I should respond to this blog. Obviously I decided that I would 🙂 For anyone who knows my wonderful wife, they would know that one of the many mantras she lives by is “Never let the truth get in the way of a good story” or in this case, blog post!
    So the truth is we have both worked hard over the past twenty years to have a relationship that ensures that we complement each other. The result, I believe, is a family unit that works reasonably well, most of the time. It is true that I contribute to various house duties etc but it is an absolute fact that my beautiful wife is “the glue” that keeps this family together 🙂
    It is also true that she is the first one any of our three children go to when they want to talk, the one who is in charge of the family medical emergency department (I don’t do blood!), and really, if we are going to be totally honest, the one who more often than not fixes various broken things around the house (I try and to my wife’s credit, she lets me have a decent go at it, and then when the time is right, she casually comes in and fixes up my mess as well as the original problem).
    She is also the artist (I can’t even draw a stick figure), the writer (soon to be published I am sure), the optimist (aren’t we all doomed?) and the one who makes sure that the family has a social life – if it was up to me we would all be hermits and living in a cave!
    In a nutshell, she is the one who makes my life complete, the one that I happily wake up beside every morning and the one that I plan to grow old and wrinkly with 🙂
    I love you Susannah – just the way you are xoxoxo

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  4. Wow, you are blessed with an amazing family! What beautiful responses. And, when you’re as wonderful and insightful as you are, Susannah, just being your self is more than enough xx

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  5. To: Susannah, Graham, and Charlotte

    Thank you for letting your readers enter a slice of your world and glimpse your heart.

    My husband and I divide things just a bit differently–he’s the genius who can fix anything, who can make a better part, who rebuilds our boat, who designs systems to improve our life on shore and on board. He writes the love notes and remembers the chocolate. I cook and do a lot of the cleaning, though he also helps there. (I am SO spoiled.) My mama’s role in our home is to make things beautiful. At 84, she still has that gift and that eye.

    Michael is God’s gift to me, as are my beloved children and my mama. As I read your words, I was reminded of these treasures that sustain us and endure forever.

    Whatever works and makes the family thrive, whatever relationship-building over the years makes a daughter and a husband rally with praise, these things are worth remembering–and worth sharing.

    By the way, you all sound like folk we’d love to know. Give us a shout out if you ever make it NC way.

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  6. Does he write? If not, then there ya go. I’m a little bit jealous. Rewrite – a whole lot jealous. Does he have an older brother? My experience tells me I am not meant to find true love, unless of course you count my grandsons. They make me happier than any husband ever did. Count your lucky stars, girl!

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  7. As I told Charlotte, this post and the comments really warms my heart.

    And I’ve got one of those amazing spouses that makes me feel like I’m not pulling my weight as well. She’s been the primary breadwinner since we sold our business (nine years ago), and yet she cheerfully and unreservedly supports my little writting ‘experiment.’ Like you, Susannah, I feel very blessed.

    Thanks for the uplifting exchange, Friis family! 🙂

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    • Thanks Vaughn 🙂 Your wife certainly does sound truly wonderful…ain’t it good to be loved so thoroughly?
      What started out as a whingey, whiney post became something quite lovely 🙂

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  8. I understand what you mean. Even though my husband doesn’t do everything, when he does try to clean the kitchen or take care of the kids I feel very put out. Those are my jobs, and I want to be the one to do them. I especially get irked when he does my stuff, but is slacking on “his” jobs that I have no business trying to take care of.

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  9. Are you sure your husband isn’t my husband’s long-lost brother or something? Seriously, they sound a lot alike. Well, except mine can’t spell. And our husbands cannot bear our children (See?There’s something they can’t do!) But he does write a fairly decent story (at least my kids think he does) and he can illustrate it too! He was sous chef in a 4 star restaurant in a resort town in Northern Idaho; he has saved lives (I am not joking, literally saved lives) on several occasions; he cleans the house; he can work on the car; he can do some around the house things – once he learned what a level was *smile* – yah, I think our husbands are a lot alike. Isn’t it wonderful to be married to such capable men?! And he obviously taught your children well (from Charlotte’s post) and he obviously adores you, which at the end of the day makes all the “where do I fit into this if he can do everything” worthwhile huh? Because obviously where we fit in best is in the middle of a family hug *grin* okay now I’m getting sappy so I’ll be quiet.

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    • LOL Maybe they are long lost twins! Imagine if the four of us met…you and I could sit and have a lovely chat with a wine while they cooked, cleaned up, bathed the kids, told them a bedtime story and then went and fixed the cars and mowed the lawn!
      Glad you are as blessed as I am. I wouldn’t trade him in for the world!

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  10. My husband doesn’t do everything (although he can do all the household stuff just as well as I can, most certainly), but I am so lucky that he is willing to be the primary breadwinner and supports me staying home to write — both financially and emotionally — so like you, my specialty is writing. I feel both incredibly grateful while at the same time feeling terribly guilty everyday that I don’t go out and bring home a regular paycheck… so although I don’t have the exact problem you do, I certainly understand the feeling of wishing I were doing more…

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  11. Pingback: Love is the air. | Personally Speaking

  12. Funny! I have that husband, too! Early on in our relationship, it drove me crazy. I felt he was trying to undermine me and nothing I did was good enough. In the 14 years since then, I’ve come to embrace his control-freak, super-husband tendencies. He cooks, grocery shops, does all the yard work, dishes, car-stuff, and general neatening/straightening and picking up after me. I write the check for the housekeeper. Turns out, his overachieving-ness frees me up to write and do things I enjoy while the things he enjoys!

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