The sound of silence

As you would know if you read my last post (if not, here it is), hubby is away on a spiritual retreat. The thing I didn’t mention was that there is no internet and no phone range. No contact, in other words.

It’s so quiet. Not when the kids are here, of course, but in all the other parts of the day, it’s really, really quiet.

Before he left, we talked about the fact that since we met, over twenty-two years ago, we have never had five days with no contact at all. Although we started dating back in the dark ages, where we didn’t have facebook or mobile phones, we still managed to speak or see each other every couple of days, if not, every day (I’m sure my parent’s phone bill from back then would testify to that fact!). And now that we work together aka in the same room within reach of each other, and although we had our week away each last year, we are very rarely apart for long and certainly, if we are, there is sure to be a phone call or two and a text or seven.

So, I can hear you all cry that it is healthy to spend time apart, and you’re right. To a degree. Our relationship is our relationship. While for others, time apart is what keeps them together, for us time apart is weird, foreign and strange.

People keep saying it’s good and good for us, and I appreciate the sentiment. And in some ways it is good. But I don’t like it. Not at all. We are quick to judge, aren’t we? Quick to decide what is best for other people’s lives. Quick to superimpose our feelings, our perception and personalities onto others. Especially where relationships are concerned. Like I said, our relationship is just that – ours. And what is good for us might not be good for you and vice versa.

I don’t think it means that we are not able to be our own people, as some have suggested. For us, well, for me at least, seeing as he’s not here to confer with, I am more ‘me’ when he’s around. I am the best version of myself because of him.

Does it mean there aren’t times I want to wring his neck and he mine? Nope. Are there times I long for solitude, for time on my own? Yep. Does he drive me to the edge of frustration and back again? Absolutely. Is he the person I want the most for every single situation I ever face? Definitely. Is he the first one I want to tell when something funny happens? Totally.

Does it feel like someone cut off my arm this week with him not around? Yes. Yes. Yes.

And before this descends into the most ridiculous love-sick mushy post,  I’ll stop.

I miss him, that’s all.

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